Career Planning and Management Inc.


Signs That Your Workplace Is Inhabited By Aliens

By
Dan King


A Collection of Career Assessment Tools, Workbooks and Resources for Individuals, Counselors, Consultants and Organizations


Dan King Talks About
the Right Time to See a
Career Coach ..... plus
Thoughts about Money,
 Job Satisfaction and More .....

 Click Here to Hear the Interview
The Recruiter's Studio

 

You've sensed for some time now that all is not right at work. Each new workday brings a strange encounter of some kind. Your boss acts like he's from another planet; your co-workers fall in line like programmed robots; and now that unfamiliar green ooze in the break room is spreading.

No, you're not paranoid. Your workplace may be inhabited by aliens.

Here's how you can tell:

1.  Your company's mission statement reads like a supreme command from the Mothership.

Mission statements are supposed to guide managers and employees toward a clear vision of where the company wants to go. But often they sound like conspiracy theories written in secret code, rife with dictates and decrees about domination, exploitation and pre-eminence. “We strive to dominate our competitors, exploit our markets, and be the pre-eminent provider of widgets in the universe."  Yeah, but what if Darth Vader destroys us in the meantime?

2.  Your work environment resembles the Voyager Spacecraft.

Research consistently shows that pleasant physical surroundings create more positive, productive workers. Yet many office environments are completely devoid of earthly comforts. Identical offices surround corrals of cubicles all interconnected by advanced technology and telecommunications devices with blinking indicators and audio alerts.

As events unwind during the day, workers simultaneously pop their heads up, like ground hogs, to see what in the world is going on - or perhaps to make contact with other humans. They sometimes adorn their workspaces with personal artifacts, "down-to-earth" reminders of the real world that do little to alleviate the strange sense that they're stranded on a faraway galaxy. And what's up with the cosmic light show in the third cube on the left?

3.  Your boss is a pain in Uranus.

Despite an abundance of management programs and philosophies, many bosses still choose to micro-manage, destroying any notions of pride or dignity in their employees.

It's not uncommon for employees to complain periodically about "Big Brother" looking over their shoulder. With the advent of today's sophisticated monitoring technology, these complaints have grown louder and more frequent. Such "snoopervision" increases employee paranoia. If you feel like someone (or something) is watching you, it could be a warning to get away now, before you're transferred to the Stepford office.

4.  Your co-workers communicate in Nanospeak.

Communication is the cornerstone of a civilized society. But if you listen closely to the language of the modern workplace, you might think you've stumbled upon a new life form. Terms like "competency alignment," "accountability management," and "corporate branding" are lobbed about like flying saucers.

"Human capital" is "leveraged" through "strategic talent development" and resources are "optimized" via state-of-the-art "knowledge management practices.” Many people actually appear to be talking to themselves, like "spaceshots" in a science experiment gone awry.

5.  Androids have replaced Earthlings.

Many well-intentioned employees' attempts to "dress for success" have created a culture of look-alikes, even on "Casual Fridays."

True, the new administrative assistant with the pink hair and the flea collar is an exception, but she's only a temp, placed on this planet to complete a short-term mission. The rest are clones.

With such uniformity, it's only a matter of time until the silver suit with the V-neck and the white boots becomes the standard dress code.

6.  Gender has become optional.

The males compete in a Martian show of dominance, appearing to have all the answers when they don't have a clue. Meanwhile, the females strive to be the alpha species, ready to take over at any moment. Together, they're like meteors on a collision course of universal proportions.

Is a "war of the worlds" imminent? Are extraterrestrials really roaming the hallways? And if so, what can you do? Bring in the FBI? Call HR? Phone home?

If you've read this far, one thing you can do is plant your feet firmly on Earth. Since the whole universe is estimated to be 13.7 billion years old, my guess is that space invaders have already been here, looked for signs of intelligent life, and concluded that they needed to look elsewhere.

Which is what you should do too. If your work life has drifted too far from your personal values and beliefs, and your workplace is hurling meaninglessly toward some unknown space, then it's time to do some exploration of the larger world of work. It’s unlikely that your company has a policy for workplace abduction, so you're on your own.

Before signing up for the first space shuttle out, put your antennae up. What do you need to learn? What would you like to change? How would you like your work life to be? What is your vision of your future?

Speak with others, read career books and articles, find a mentor or coach. In other words, look for signs of intelligence to guide your way. May the force be with you.


© 2006, Career Planning and Management, Inc., Boston, MA.  All rights reserved.   

                                                                                                                                       

More Articles  

Fright or Flight: When Your Job Becomes a Nightmare by Dan King

Pursuing a Paycheck With a Purpose by Dan King and Mark Guterman

Winning at Organizational Politics Without Losing Your Soul by Dan King

Understanding the Culture Factor:  Get To Know Your Company's Mix Before It Turns You Upside-Down by Alan Earls

The Plight of the Unhappily Employed by Dan King

Surviving the Job Search Blues by Dan King

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? by Dan King

What Do You Want To Be In Your Next Life? by Dan King

Raising the Ante: How To Get the Raise You Deserve by Gayle Goddard

Defining a Generation: Tips for Uniting Our Multi-Generational Workforce by Dan King

The Business Case for Career Development by Dan King

A Sure-Fire Path to a Lousy Job
by Dan King

How To Survive Working For A Jerk by Dan King

Show Me The Benefits by Dan King

Negotiating Dollars With Sense by Dan King

Tapping the Power Within by Peter Metzner

Working Like A Dog by Dan King


Breaking Out of Your Career Funk
by Dan King

When Work Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by Dan King

The Search for Meaningful Work by Mark Guterman and Dan King

A Brief History of Work by Dan King

Corporate Culture Shock: Working The Buzz by Dan King

In Passionate Pursuit of the Pink Slip by Dan King

Wayfinding: The Art of Navigating Your Career by Dan King

Advice For The "Discriminating" Job Seeker by Dan King

Working Out Work: How To Get Your Career Into Shape by Dan King

Schmooze or Lose: Tips on Career Networking by K. Daniel Glover

Reinventing Work (Again) by Dan King

Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Dan King

Overcoming Overload from Overwork: An Overview  by Dan King

So, Tell Me About Your Weaknesses by Dan King

Start Saving Your Job by Randy Schultz

Rants on Losing (And Finding) A Job by Dan King

How to Find a Good Career Coach by Dan King

Network, Network, Network  ---  But I'm Not Any Good At It, I Don't Know Anybody, and Other Common Dilemmas by Dan King

So, Where Are The Good Jobs? by Dan King

So, Where Are The Good Jobs? The Sequel by Dan King

Working Our Way Back by Dan King

Navigating Your Career with ADD by Dan King

What You Should Know Before Asking For A Raise by Dan King

Bringing Out The Best In A Workplace That Spans Generations by David Wethe

It's Hard To Find Good Help by Dan King

Getting Unstuck: How To Jump-Start Your Job Search by Dan King

Career Success and Happiness: To Everything There is a Season by Dan King 

O' Come All To The Office Holiday Party by Dan King 


                                                                                                                                          


© 2001 Career Planning & Management Inc. Three School Street, Boston, MA 02108 | 617-723-7696, Fax 617-723-6340 Design by LightMix