Career Planning and Management Inc.

A Sure-Fire Path To A
Lousy Job

By Dan King

A Collection of Career Assessment Tools, Workbooks and Resources for Individuals, Counselors, Consultants and Organizations

Dan King Talks About
the Right Time to See a
Career Coach ..... plus
Thoughts about Money,
Job Satisfaction and More .....

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Recent surveys show that more than one-half of U.S. workers today are unhappy with their jobs - and the situation seems to be getting worse rather than better. Some studies estimate that as many as eight in 10 workers plan to look for a new job in the next year. All this makes me question whether I should continue trying to guide people toward satisfying careers. I might be fighting a losing battle. I’m doing my best, but I can't possibly reach everyone, despite my noble efforts.

So I'm shifting gears. From now on, I'll be touting career malaise and meaninglessness - no more nonsense about career satisfaction and success. If so many people are intent on hating their jobs, I'll be there to support them.

So here it is -- my new 10-step plan for creating an unsatisfying, unrewarding, unfulfilling work life well into the unforeseeable future:

1. Set unclear, unachievable goals.

If you don't know what you're looking for, you won't have to take responsibility for the lack of opportunities that come your way. Be vague. Your career objective: “seeking an unchallenging position with no responsibility and zero potential for growth." You don't need to list this on your resume, but if you commit yourself to it, you'll remain solidly unfocused as you trudge ahead.

2. Cast a wide net.

Craft a resume that highlights your ability to do "anything." Don't limit yourself. Try to be all things to all people. That way you won't rule out anything, including even the most thankless jobs. And by focusing on "anything," you'll increase your likelihood of actually finding it.

3. Blanket the market with your résumé.

Apply for everything - because you might just hit somewhere. Since you're open to "anything," you won't have to compete with the more finicky, focused job seekers. You’ll be a shoe-in for the jobs that no one else wants. Just get your foot in the door. Then, you can claw your way to other opportunities as they arise.

4. Hassle headhunters.

Pretend that they are in the business of finding you a good job. Since the employer pays their fees, it won't cost you anything, and you'll feel like you're connecting with the movers and shakers who have their hands on the pulse of the job market. If they fail to find a good job for you, it won't be your fault.

5. Bowl alone.

Don’t bother friends and colleagues with your career issues. They’re busy. Pestering them will only make you feel needy and they probably won't know of any good jobs anyway, so you'll just be wasting time that could be better spent blanketing the market or hassling headhunters (see above). However, if your friends ask you how you're doing, just say you're "actively" seeking a new position - and ask them to let you know if they hear of "anything."

6. Charm the pants off of interviewers.

Pepper your interview monologue with inspiring phrases like "results-oriented” and "team player." Clarify that you're able to do "anything.” Think out loud. When asked about your strengths, say: "I like working with people.” Since they too are people, this will prove that you're a good fit. Stay away from mentioning any weaknesses you have - the interviewer will identify those on their own.

7. Go for the bucks.

Someone of your caliber should be paid top dollar. Don’t get swayed by the prospect of sixty-hour workweeks, menial responsibilities, or incompetent bosses. Focus on the money. You can't be miserable at work if you're making good money. Learn to live for the vacations and weekends.

8. Seal the deal quickly.

When an offer is tendered, volunteer to start immediately, without giving notice to your current employer. This will show your new manager that he can count on you from the get-go. Your former company will survive without you. They’ll probably be just as glad to be rid of you as you are of them, so it will be a "win-win" all around.

9. Hide for 90 days.

When you start the new job, lay low for a few months before volunteering your opinions about anything. By then you will be fully immersed in the company culture and will have earned the right to whine incessantly about how they misled you, how they don't care about you, and how you'll shaft them once you've found a better job.

10. Repeat the cycle.

Embark on the next chapter of your monotonous march toward meaninglessness. Return to step 1 and repeat the process again, and again, and again - and if you need a coach to guide you, I'll be here for you. No worries.

With some consistency and discipline, you'll eventually bridge yourself to retirement. Surveys show that that as many as eight in ten retirement-eligible employees plan to continue working. But you won't be one of them. Your dissatisfying career will be behind you. You won't have to do "anything." You can concentrate on doing "nothing.” Won't that be great?

© 2006, Career Planning and Management, Inc., Boston, MA. All rights reserved.